I do it because I really believe we need to be and there is a need for women to stand up against the bullshit that exists out there. However, there is one issue with this. I find it hard to get my own body out.
Having suffered from an eating disorder for a long time in my teens and early twenties, I've come to a place where I am happy with how I look and my back fat rolls. Fuck it. I wasted too much time in my life worrying about my cellulite and weird looking rolls. Now, I am just happy with it. I would be lying if I said that certain photos didn't make me feel those angry thoughts about my upper arms or that I was completely happy with how my thighs are. But I've learned to silence it.....relatively.
There is one issue. My legs.
I have large thighs, cellulite and other things wrong with them. However my biggest issue? Scars. I have really really visible scarring on my knees. I hate it. There is nothing I can do and I refuse to wear cover up make-up on my knee area. I don't tan and I will not use fake tan either.
This hasn't been an issue....until I moved to the UK.
They have real summers here. It's hot. I mean awkward sticky levels of bleurgh hot. I am DYING to wear shorts because, quite frankly, I need to.
I have managed in the past but jesus, I can't now.
I am having to bite the bullet and contemplate my enemy - shorts.
I don't give a shit about my fat or my rolls. I really don't. Its the scars that get me. I never forget the first time someone really commented on them. I mean more then the usual side remarks from relatives and friends who were trying to be nice about it. I was 13, which is the age where you get awkward. Real awkward. I was wearing my school uniform which consisted of a skirt with ankle socks. A boy commented. AN ACTUAL BOY! I NEVER spoke to boys!
'What the fuck is wrong with your legs?"
I nearly died. After that, I covered up with tights and long socks and trousers. I got so used to wearing them that I never really got my legs out with skirts or shorts ever again. It was just the way I was. I have had (over the years) all manner of suggestions about wearing make-up on the scars, wearing tan or going on sunbeds - NEVER gonna happen people.
This summer marks the end of this because I am going to have to get over it. I need shorts. I don't want hot pants or silly ones. I just want comfortable baggy denim shorts.
I will buy a pair as soon as I get paid and wear them with pride. I am however going to document my shorts journey because, it has taken me almost seventeen years to do it.
SEVENTEEN YEARS BECAUSE OF ONE COMMENT!?!?!??!?! OMG that is beyond it!
Right. The shorts diary has now become a thing.
My hope is to practise what I preach and encourage others with scars, weird bits, odd marks and bruises to not feel ashamed of what their legs look like. If I am hot, then I am hot - its bloody hot out there people. I am going to wear my shorts with pride.
However first I have to find a pair that will allow me some dignity and not to have my bum cheeks hang out. I do not get why the high street have to have bum cheeks out. My cheeks are quite happy staying indoors thank you. Any suggestions people?
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